A Trickster’s Hymn

I just wanted to stick my fingers in the wounds

And twist.

Mend it, mend it.

At least I’m not the one who needs the last laugh.

I’m the one you took from,

Righteous be your name.

I just wanted to be what you wanted

But you don’t know what that is.


I took the rain and I laid it out like gold

But they spat at me and pulled my ears

You never told me where the boundaries weren’t

Evil was never my strong suit

But it’s what you wanted


I only told you that I healed the wounds

So I could steal the blood

And make it into earth.


On Pride.

Hi, my name is Kelsey. I’m a writer, blogger, pescatarian, Catholic, Canadian, dog owner and bisexual.

I realised the other day that it’s LGBT pride month in June. I also realised that I’ve never written anything on here about my sexuality.

Honestly, being bisexual isn’t a huge part of my life. It’s not because I’m ashamed of it. It’s just something I am. Unlike being Christian, I don’t have to work at being bisexual. I wake up in the morning and it is.

I never got the “pride” movement until recently. I had no strong feelings either way. It existed. The parades were fun to watch.

Then, the first time I talked to someone involved in the LGBT community, they told me bisexuals weren’t welcome.

Then, the Christians in the Christian club at school gave me dirty looks.

Then, I stopped going into changerooms to avoid the glares.

Then, I had to explain to someone why there is no such thing as a straight pride parade.

The first time I wrote a love poem about a girl I was afraid to show it to anyone and pretended it was about a boy.

I realised something.

Pride movements and pride parades exist because the world decided that LGBT people weren’t allowed to be proud of who they were. The reason I listed all those things I am to begin this post is because, for the most part, the world tells me that even though my sexuality is a small part of my life I am not allowed to be proud of everything else I am because of it. There are people in the world who would ignore everything else and kill me for being bisexual. That’s why this is a big deal.

So here’s an answer for the straight girl who asked me why there isn’t a straight pride parade. Straight people are allowed to be proud. They are told every day that the way they are is the right way. LGBT people are told every day that they are freaks, or sinners, or abominations. That they should die. The suicide rate of LGBT people is significantly higher than that of straight people. We have to tell ourselves to be proud because no one else will. No one else does.

Parades and pride months are our reminders to the world that no one will ever take our pride from us.


God bless,

Kelsey J.


PS: Sorry this is a day late! I was called in unexpectedly to my job. Not that I don’t consider this a job, but the other one pays me. 


PSS: Did you know an LGBT publishing group was the on of the first to publish my work? Check them out here: http://newtownwriters.org/




Cure for Depression!

(Author’s note:  This article is complete and total satire. I’m not serious about any of this stuff. Not even a little bit. However, I do recognise that the language I’m using could trigger bad emotions for a lot of people. Viewer discretion advised. I’d also like to thank my facebook friends for assisting me with this article.)

Hello dear friends! Kelsey Mills here with exciting news!

There IS a cure for depression!

I know, folks. It’s incredible. It’s amazing. By the time you’re reading this, I will already have made a million dollars and be lounging on my depression-free yacht.

It’s so simple that every single person I’ve met who knows of my depression knows these three valuable tips, but I’m offering them here as a pre-packaged bundle for a limited time only, and then I’m going to make the “mad” returns.

Mad. Get it?

Well screw you then. I cured my depression with positive thinking, so suck it.

God I’m miserable.

Wait, what was I talking about?


As you may have guessed, the first way to cure depression is through the power of positive thinking! What is positive thinking, you may ask. Good question! Positivity is like the force. It is all around us and connects every living being. It enables you to do amazing things, like controlling people’s minds and shooting lighting out of your hands. Just last week I lifted my dining room table when I lost a skittle under it. All through the power of positive thinking, and tapping into it’s potential.

How do you use this to cure depression? Well, once you can lift a dining room table, you don’t have much to be depressed about anymore. With positive thinking, you can also brighten up the lives of everyone around you, whom you have undoubtedly depressed with your lack of positive thinking. Shame on you.

If this method doesn’t work, then you should bust out the natural remedies. St. John’s Wort is very popular, and all those rumours about “liver failure” “medication interaction” and “psychosis” are just bunk. Serotonin syndrome is just something the corporations made up to keep all the positive thinking to themselves. Everyone knows serotonin isn’t real. It’s probably the non-medical ingrediants causing all the problems. anyway. No one knows what any of that stuff does. If you want to go completely herb-free, you could always try exercising. Everyone knows yoga is magic and can cure cancer and stuff. If you combine it with positive thinking, you will turn super saiyin and be able to poop rainbows.

Still not cheering up? Geez, get over yourself. My final tip to you is that someone always has it worse than you. There are kids in Africa with no food, you know. Some kid in whatever-stan probably got their leg blown off while you were reading my brilliant, life changing advice. Maybe you just don’t deserve to be happy. Get over yourself.


A little more on psychopathy

Hey guys!

A new post will be up tomorrow but I thought I’d share a little link today. One of my first “Writing and Psychology” posts was about psychopathy: https://kelseyjaybird.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/writing-and-psychology-the-difference-between-psychopathy-and-psychosis/ . I’ve been continuing to research psychopathy, and I came across an article today that might be of interest to those who liked the post. It can be found here: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/hidden-suffering-psychopath-1/page/0/1?GUID=CE55228B-662D-46B9-9C4F-38D189DA29D6&rememberme=1&ts=29052014.


See you tomorrow,

-Kelsey Jay

Things men need to hear.

Hi there men.

My name is Kelsey.

I am not a man.

I am a woman.

Some of you are immediately going to think less of me for that last statement. Some of you are going to dismiss my opinion. That’s not okay, but I ask you to just listen to me for five minutes.

Before I begin, I know a lot of you are going to think throughout this that I’m over reacting, and that not all men are like this.

Tough tits.

Because enough men are that I feel I have to say this. And, if you’re as sick of them as I am, listen to me.

No one is entitled to shit.

It’s hard to hear. But it’s the truth. No one is entitled to anything beyond human rights. You aren’t entitled to a fancy car because you know how to drive, you aren’t entitled to book because you know how to read, and you’re not entitled to another person’s body. Ever.

Being kind to someone does not entitle you to their body.

Being in a relationship with someone does not entitle you to their body.

Thinking someone is attractive does not entitle you to their body.

Telling that person that they are attractive does not entitle you to their attention.

Being more physically imposing than others does not entitle you to whatever you want.

I understand loneliness. I understand rejection. I understand feeling like no one will ever love you and not understanding why.

It hurts.

But that doesn’t mean that you are entitled to hurt someone else.

Maybe no one told you that someone not wanting to date you wasn’t the end of the world. Maybe no one told you that you were special just for being you. And that’s not okay.

But expecting others to “pay” for that is not okay either.

You may be thinking “where does this stupid bitch get off?” or “Look, another feminazi.”Whatever. The point isn’t me. The point is you.

You aren’t owed shit.

The world doesn’t owe you shit.

Life doesn’t owe you shit.





Guess what? Life doesn’t owe anyone shit. It’s the way it works. It’s cliché, but life isn’t fair.

Especially not to women.

Admitting that there are problems in the world specific to women doesn’t make your problems less important. Admitting that men cause a lot of these problems doesn’t make you bad for being a man.

Not all men are mass murderers and rapists. It’s okay to feel sorry for people who hurt so much that they hurt lots of people to deal with it. But what they did is not okay. And saying that “not all men” do this is minimizing that some do.

Men are just as likely to be killed by men as women are. We’re in this boat together. Not all men do these terrible things, but the ones that do hurt all of us.

So hi there men. My name is Kelsey. I’m a human. So are you. Let’s work together to make the world safe for all of us.



Hymns for the Bastards: Three.

I wore sick like a badge of honour

I don’t heal,

I just scab over.

My soul is a mess of congealing blood

Dripping dripping.

I feel you in here like a parasite

And still I feed you.

This is true sickness.

I fear you will burst out of me

Instead of passing with the waste,

Coating everything in sight

With yesterday’s feelings.

Language Moment: May 12th, 2014

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Welcome to a new feature on Sweetly Snobbish–the site where I’m always right, but at least I’m nice!

This new feature was actually given to me by my english professor and fellow poet Gerald Hill. Kind of. In his class, we had language moments, where we pointed out interesting turns of phrase. Now, it’s going on my blog.

This week’s language moment comes from the Anberlin song, “Reclusion“.

There are a lot of really neat language moments in this song, so I’m just going to pick my three favourites.

“They don’t know they’re dead to me cuz/intent never makes a sound” 

I love “intent never makes a sound”.  I think it’s a unique turn of phrase. Right off the bat, this line establishes the loneliness and isolation of the speaker, as well as their inner darkness.

“There’s a lot of seclusion/production in depression/if a stranger turns up missing/this song is my confession”

Wow. That stuff I already said? Turn that up to 11 in these lines. In this like, the fact that the speaker kills people is very, very clear. It also speaks to mental instability.  Maybe I’m just biased, though, because of the “production in depression” line. Depressed people gotta stick together.

My absolute FAVOURITE language moment, though?

“My mask is growing heavy/but I’ve forgotten whose beneath” 

I just adore this. I find this turn of phrase so powerful.  I love the simplicity in the statement and yet the power in it. It really points to true instability in the speaker, and adds an element of tragedy to the song.

This has been the first edition of “language moments”. Like? Don’t like? Tell me below!

God Bless,

Kelsey J.