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An Announcement: VERY IMPORTANT

My dearest followers,

 

When I started this blog, my first wordpress site, I had no idea that I’d wind up falling head over heels in love with the platform, and I had no idea I would garner so many followers. I truly admire all of you, and I want to thank you for all the support.

 

This is where things get sad.

I have recently taken the big step and bought my own domain name here. I feel as though I am ready to take the next step in my career with this new site and blog, and I am very excited.

However, this new step involves a bit of trimming. I currently manage more blogs than I have time for, and I need to reduce my number to be able to provide better content for all of them. At the end of this month, I stop updating this website.

I would like to thank you all for your patronage. That sounds stupid. I’d like to thank you all for coming along with me on this journey. I would love to have you join me over here, where I will continue producing awesome content for y’all to enjoy.

 

So long and thanks for all the fish,

 

Kelsey J.

 

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I have a mouth but I’m still screaming

An experiment in creative non-fiction.

Kelsey J. Mills

When I was 11, I thought that boys would never want me because they never had before, and I was at the age where I was starting to notice them and they noticed me but not in the way I wanted them to so I sought to control what they saw of me but enough of myself crept back (in like a raccoon to a garbage can that they all screamed like girls and dropped their groceries and went inside).

I realised then that whatever I was was toxic and ugly and it would have to be gone to get someone to want to hold my hand (despite the warts on my thumb and ring fingers of the right hand) but I couldn’t suppress it like a fart in class so I resigned myself to being crazy but pretty too smart to be loved.

When I was 14 boys started…

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Things I learned at When Words Collide, 2014

Every year I attend a writing conference in Calgary called “When Words Collide”. Every year I have an absolutely supreme time, and this year I thought I’d share some of what I learned with the internet at large. 

 

1) Desire + Obstacle = Conflict

This should be common sense, but I had never heard the question of conflict explained in such a way before! Thanks to Anna Maria Bortolotto for this lesson!

2) It pays to be friendly

Especially at a writer’s conference.  I guarantee that literally everyone there has one thing in common: they like to read. I guess if that fails, you can always talk about the weather. 

It also pays to be friendly in marketing–give first. Your mom was right, you catch more flies with free bookmarks than with vinegar. 

3) There’s a lot more to editing than finding new ways to tell people that they suck. 

I’m still convinced that “dental draft” is a euphemism for something. 

4) No one can agree on whether or not digital publishing is a good thing. 

5) Editors really like in medias res. 

6)  You don’t always get rejected because you’re crap. Editors are actually pretty nice people. Mostly. 

7) The cake isn’t a lie, but the chocolate might be

This one is a bit of a story: there was supposed to be a chocolate social on Saturday night of the conference. My gaggle of pals and I waited for about 2 hours. No chocolate. It was all a lie. 

They did let us have leftover cake from the banquet, so the cake? All truth. 

 

 

A Trickster’s Hymn

I just wanted to stick my fingers in the wounds

And twist.

Mend it, mend it.

At least I’m not the one who needs the last laugh.

I’m the one you took from,

Righteous be your name.

I just wanted to be what you wanted

But you don’t know what that is.

 

I took the rain and I laid it out like gold

But they spat at me and pulled my ears

You never told me where the boundaries weren’t

Evil was never my strong suit

But it’s what you wanted

 

I only told you that I healed the wounds

So I could steal the blood

And make it into earth.

On Pride.

Hi, my name is Kelsey. I’m a writer, blogger, pescatarian, Catholic, Canadian, dog owner and bisexual.

I realised the other day that it’s LGBT pride month in June. I also realised that I’ve never written anything on here about my sexuality.

Honestly, being bisexual isn’t a huge part of my life. It’s not because I’m ashamed of it. It’s just something I am. Unlike being Christian, I don’t have to work at being bisexual. I wake up in the morning and it is.

I never got the “pride” movement until recently. I had no strong feelings either way. It existed. The parades were fun to watch.

Then, the first time I talked to someone involved in the LGBT community, they told me bisexuals weren’t welcome.

Then, the Christians in the Christian club at school gave me dirty looks.

Then, I stopped going into changerooms to avoid the glares.

Then, I had to explain to someone why there is no such thing as a straight pride parade.

The first time I wrote a love poem about a girl I was afraid to show it to anyone and pretended it was about a boy.

I realised something.

Pride movements and pride parades exist because the world decided that LGBT people weren’t allowed to be proud of who they were. The reason I listed all those things I am to begin this post is because, for the most part, the world tells me that even though my sexuality is a small part of my life I am not allowed to be proud of everything else I am because of it. There are people in the world who would ignore everything else and kill me for being bisexual. That’s why this is a big deal.

So here’s an answer for the straight girl who asked me why there isn’t a straight pride parade. Straight people are allowed to be proud. They are told every day that the way they are is the right way. LGBT people are told every day that they are freaks, or sinners, or abominations. That they should die. The suicide rate of LGBT people is significantly higher than that of straight people. We have to tell ourselves to be proud because no one else will. No one else does.

Parades and pride months are our reminders to the world that no one will ever take our pride from us.

 

God bless,

Kelsey J.

 

PS: Sorry this is a day late! I was called in unexpectedly to my job. Not that I don’t consider this a job, but the other one pays me. 

 

PSS: Did you know an LGBT publishing group was the on of the first to publish my work? Check them out here: http://newtownwriters.org/

 

 

 

Cure for Depression!

(Author’s note:  This article is complete and total satire. I’m not serious about any of this stuff. Not even a little bit. However, I do recognise that the language I’m using could trigger bad emotions for a lot of people. Viewer discretion advised. I’d also like to thank my facebook friends for assisting me with this article.)

Hello dear friends! Kelsey Mills here with exciting news!

There IS a cure for depression!

I know, folks. It’s incredible. It’s amazing. By the time you’re reading this, I will already have made a million dollars and be lounging on my depression-free yacht.

It’s so simple that every single person I’ve met who knows of my depression knows these three valuable tips, but I’m offering them here as a pre-packaged bundle for a limited time only, and then I’m going to make the “mad” returns.

Mad. Get it?

Well screw you then. I cured my depression with positive thinking, so suck it.

God I’m miserable.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Positivity!

As you may have guessed, the first way to cure depression is through the power of positive thinking! What is positive thinking, you may ask. Good question! Positivity is like the force. It is all around us and connects every living being. It enables you to do amazing things, like controlling people’s minds and shooting lighting out of your hands. Just last week I lifted my dining room table when I lost a skittle under it. All through the power of positive thinking, and tapping into it’s potential.

How do you use this to cure depression? Well, once you can lift a dining room table, you don’t have much to be depressed about anymore. With positive thinking, you can also brighten up the lives of everyone around you, whom you have undoubtedly depressed with your lack of positive thinking. Shame on you.

If this method doesn’t work, then you should bust out the natural remedies. St. John’s Wort is very popular, and all those rumours about “liver failure” “medication interaction” and “psychosis” are just bunk. Serotonin syndrome is just something the corporations made up to keep all the positive thinking to themselves. Everyone knows serotonin isn’t real. It’s probably the non-medical ingrediants causing all the problems. anyway. No one knows what any of that stuff does. If you want to go completely herb-free, you could always try exercising. Everyone knows yoga is magic and can cure cancer and stuff. If you combine it with positive thinking, you will turn super saiyin and be able to poop rainbows.

Still not cheering up? Geez, get over yourself. My final tip to you is that someone always has it worse than you. There are kids in Africa with no food, you know. Some kid in whatever-stan probably got their leg blown off while you were reading my brilliant, life changing advice. Maybe you just don’t deserve to be happy. Get over yourself.

Positivity!