Psychology and Zombies: Brainz!

zombvenger time What up guys. Zee here.

It seems that instead of returning from her midterm hiatus, my creator has saddled me with the task of “Psychology and” this week. Let’s see what she’s making me do.



THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Just because I’m a zombie, doesn’t mean I eat brains! Why the hell would I go for the one organ in the human body that’s protected by the THICKEST BONE in the body AND is basically its own defence system?! That’s just asking to get shot! I’ve seen a lot of good zombies go down that way. THIS IS STEREOTYPING AND I WON’T DO IT!

Oh, she’s giving me chocolate milk to do it? Oh, okay.

Presenting: THE BRAIN!!!!

 Dun Dun DUN!!!!

No, not like that you idiot! Good help is hard to find these days…


The brain is the big boss, the head honcho, the grand poobah, of the human body. Averaging at 3 pounds, 100 billion neurons and 60% fat, the brain is…actually sounding tastier by the minute. Huh.

Anyways, since the brain basically manages everything the body does, it’s not just one big lumpy mass of tissue. It’s divided into parts, and each part has a function. We think. Actually, certain functions have been localized to certain parts of the brain, but they interconnect so much that it’s not clear if any one part does any one thing.

There are two big parts to the brain: the cerebrum and the cerebellum. The cerebellum is that little brain glued to the big brain up there. It’s mostly in charge of motor responses and impulses, and other functions that people don’t consciously think about. The cerebrum is the big honking part with all of the gross wrinkles. The wrinkles are the result of folding, by the way, to get the brain to fit into the skull. Humans have the most icky brain wrinkles of any mammal.

The cortex (the wrinkly, outer part of the brain) has 4 lobes: the parietal, the temporal, the pre-frontal and the occipital.  There’s a picture:

The parietal lobe is about perception of stimulation and movement. So, if you smell some delicious food (such as milk, or rats) the parietal lobe both lets you smell it and move to obtain it.

The occipital lobe is for processing vision. So you really do have eyes at the back of your head.

The temporal lobe, in addition to being a place you really, really don’t want to get hit, is all about hearing stuff.

The prefrontal cortex is said to be what separates us from the animals, because it’s freakish big in comparison. It’s in charge of decision making, logic, planning, all that boring stuff.

Inside the squishy, wrinkly cortex is a whole whack of internal structures that I’m not going to go into here because I’m a zombie and I don’t care what’s inside the brain as long as I get to eat it. Apparently.

To be fair, this is boring. I know the creator has a psyche education. But come on. No one wants to hear all this academic crap.

The brain does a lot of crazy stuff. I think everyone knows by now that one side of the brain controls the other side of the body (and if you didn’t, you know now! The more you know…). But, did you know that the brain generates enough electricity to power a light bulb? I wonder if you can get a literal buzz from eating one then…

The brain can survive 4 to 6 minutes without oxygen, so be prepared for the long haul if you want to strangle people. People who eat seafood at least once a week have been found to be less likely to get dementia. The thing I’m worried about is what happens if you eat a brain.

Oh, come on!

I’m not the only one thinking about it.

Am I?

Anyways, eating human literally drives humans insane in the membrane. You get these things called prion diseases and it messes around with the proteins in the brain and then the fun begins. So, what about a zombie, then? We don’t really have an immune system, so it would hit us harder, right?

Not so, according to research. Humans carry some genes that can protect them from getting these fun diseases. That’s led scientists to believe that humans used to eat humans…

HA! In your face, humans!

I’m going to try telling that to the next person who tries to shoot me for eating things they think I shouldn’t be.

Like their arm.




*Kelsey J’s notes: I’m back! Thanks for being patient with me. Speaking of my wonderful creation, ZOMBVENGER is finally live! Go check it out here:

What are you waiting for? Go! Read! Enjoy! Share!

I’ll be back on Friday.


God bless,

Kelsey J.


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